Random thoughts & things

I’ve been living the wrong life

Last week I did a sketch of my ideal life. This is it:

Before I launch into an explanation (not that it really needs any; my ideal life obviously consists of me, my caveman husband and two cute children, staring out to sea whilst a book flies over our heads) can I just say that several weird things have happened since my last hypnotherapy weekend?

Firstly, I woke up the next morning and cried. (Hint: It was the kind of crying a 42-year-old might do when they realise their life has not exactly gone to plan.)

Secondly, I’ve worked on my children’s books for the first time in about a year (i.e. you are witnessing a miracle).

Thirdly, and perhaps most alarmingly, for the last two weeks there’s been this massive neon sign flashing in my head:


The sign refuses to go away. It’s manically flashing away night and day.

Perfectly Reasonable Question: What do you do when you wake up one morning and realise you’ve been living the wrong life?

Answer: First you cry. Then you sigh and mope about a bit. And finally you pull yourself together and start pondering what the ‘right’ life might look like instead.

This is what I want:

  1. I want to write children’s books (bestsellers, obviously)
  2. I want to learn about the subconscious mind and how to use it to release my creativity
  3. I want to be able to stand up in front of a room full of people and speak without shitting myself
  4. I want to fall in love, get married and have two children
  5. I want to buy my own home
  6. I want to express myself more (write, paint, dance, sing)
  7. I want to travel
  8. I want to be fit and healthy
  9. I want to spend as much time in nature as possible (sea, trees, mountains)

That’s it in a nutshell – my ideal life. Love, health, creativity, adventure, and nature. Quite simple things. Surely not too much to ask? And yet it’s 14.58 on a cold Tuesday afternoon and I have had to resort to a glass of wine in order to write this post. Because, currently, I have only two of the above in my life (2 and 8 in case you’re wondering).

You could say my life needs some work.

I’ve woken up and realised with mind-numbing certainty that I’ve been living the wrong life for the past 42 years. Does anyone else out there feel the same way?

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